Trad wife, homemaker, stay-at-home-mom… whichever term fits you most, living a life fully committed to the home and having only one breadwinner in the family brings up one very specific (and totally valid) fear in a lot of women:

What if my husband leaves?

“Leaves.” As in, (God forbid) he passes away. Or maybe life doesn’t work out as planned and a divorce is imminent. What then?

Well, just like people prepare or have a Plan B in case they get fired, you (my lovely stay at home friend) can prepare for the unexpected, for the unplanned situation of being suddenly alone (and maybe even alone with kids to care for).

The myth of the homemaker:

Some people hear the term “trad wife” or “homemaker” or “stay at home mom” and think the following: uneducated, never worked a day in her life, washes dishes, and sits around all day scrolling on Facebook. Basically, a pretty Neanderthal with a sexy apron 😏

A Higher Education After High School

But that isn’t the case, and it shouldn’t be the case. I highly believe that education should not stop at high school, even if you’re planning to live life as a homemaker. Feeding your mind is as important as feeding your body and your soul, and if you have a degree or higher education of any sort, you’ll be better prepared to deal with the unexpected, which can be:

~ Your husband gets laid off.
~ Your husband has an accident/illness and cannot work for some time.
~ Your bills/necessities increase and you need two incomes for some time.
~ Your husband passes away.
~ Your marriage comes to an end.

Those are just a few examples. With higher education, you know you can step up and meet these challenges head-on with confidence. Suddenly you won’t feel so helpless or helplessly dependent, and that fear lessens.

You Don’t Need a PhD

And it doesn’t have to be anything expensive or fancy. I myself only had an office management certificate when I got a job, with my own office, back before I met my husband. This tiny degree took me 12 months to complete, and I was able to get a great job with decent pay with little prior experience. (I’m also fluent in Spanish and okay in two other languages, which helped me land that job. It’s good to feed your mind! 😇)

After I became a homemaker, I stopped working and got a BA in English because I wanted to. I continued my education. Today, I have that knowledge to fall back on in case anything happens. And today, I continue to polish my Spanish daily (and still study Korean, but only when my baby allows 😁). That extra bit of knowledge further polishes my resume.

Our resumes will have a big gap in work experience, so it’s good to have that degree and some extra padding on that resume!

Networking: Who You Know

Don’t isolate yourself. Make friends. Be a part of your community. Being a stay at home wife or stay at home mom doesn’t mean you literally have to stay at home all the time! 😊 Be consistently at church every Sunday. Join mom groups or Bible study groups. Volunteer. Donate. Don’t just stick to “online communities,” but get out there in the real world!

“It’s not what you know, it’s who you know” can be SO TRUE. After that first office job came to an end, I had the opportunity to work at a different office within the same company because I got to know and befriend a lot of the management. They knew me, they liked me, they knew I was reliable… so before anyone even got to apply for that second office job ~ I was in. I got it.

Today, I attend my church every Sunday and have made some truly wonderful friends 🥰 I am part of a Bible study group and I’m in touch with a local donation center for pregnant women. I’m always looking to see who I can help (as much as I can with having a baby) and always keeping in touch. Which is good and healthy for your well-being, and not simply to network, but my point is: don’t isolate yourself in the home. Be a help to others. Be part of your community in person.

Speak to Your Husband/Future Husband

Aside from educating yourself and being part of a tight-knit community, it would be a good idea to speak to your husband (or future husband). Along with the conversations about how you want to live, raise children, and other important future marriage details, you should also discuss finances, savings, and life insurance in case of an emergency or unexpected situation. Together, you can both make a plan that will keep you safe and well if something happens.

If your husband wants to become the sole provider, how is he going to make sure you’re well taken care of if he becomes ill or passes away? How much money will you both have saved up? Make sure you communicate and are on the same page.

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Yes, it can be worrisome to think something could happen to upend your life, but this fear isn’t exclusive to homemakers ~ everyone has that fear, big or tiny, in the back of their minds, because life simply isn’t perfect. Anything can happen. But to prepare by being educated and in touch with other people is to grow in your confidence, which has the great side effect of shrinking such fears. It is also wise to have a conversation about this topic before you get married so that you can have a plan in case the unexpected happens.

Have you ever had this fear as a homemaker or even as someone who is in a career?

Share your thoughts in the comments 😊

Take care and God bless,

✿ Lovely Panda Mom ✿

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